So. We all have them. People we think will always be there to help motivate us and promote healthy competition – you know, not the kind where you put gravel in each other’s hard guards, but the kind where you think, “Her loop jump is good. Why isn’t mine? Mine needs to be at least that good. I’m going to devote a whole session to my loop jump”, etc.
But one day you realise your training partner – the one who shares your private coach to give you a discount on lessons, the one who knocks on your door at 9pm wondering why you’re not ready for evening ice, the one who clips up your OTB tights at comps and stays at the barrier when you’re on program ice, so you’ve got one less body to look out for – is losing (or has already lost) their ice addiction.
You know how it goes. They’ve been on a lot of holidays but don’t put the work in to make up lost ice time in between trips. They don’t take their skates on trips home. They don’t have 7500 figure skating vlogs bookmarked on youtube (OK, so they never have - we're not all MASSIVE ice geeks, IN2L2S) and they have no idea who won Worlds, even though you were there watching with them for the ladies’ programs.
Worst of all, they stop bothering in lessons. They always have some reason why they have to sit out during off-ice (“I’ve got a consistent stomach problem (when I feel like it)”, “my ankles hurt from walking around too much at the weekend”, “my hamstring’s tight”, “I had the ‘flu 2 months ago”), and call off-ice Axels in the gym “all that jumping around”.
Some evenings your coach gets roped in to teach a group which means you get less attention in your lesson and have to work around other people, which you duly do (you’re getting a discount, after all!) - but you notice Training Partner’s stopped joining in after footwork and is practising their camel over and over again in the corner. (A tiny evil part of you notes it’s not getting any better). When you ask TP what’s up, it’s everyone else – getting in their way, targeting them. TP NEVER jumps – out of lessons they work on spins, in lessons they get off the ice at jump-time, adjust and re-adjust their boots, stare into space, stare at your crappy flip-loop combo, drink some water, and then get on as the Zamboni’s firing up, with a faint (not-very-believable) expression of surprise that the session's ended.
You can’t even seem to get there on time lately – when you swing by at leaving time, TP’s not ready/has fallen asleep and has no plans to hurry/is not in at all and is not answering her phone.
In short, instead of driving you forward, TP is driving you nuts.
What do you do in this situation? At the moment, it’s SkateMate who is having ice-nonchalance and it’s me and my coach who have to suffer. If we have a lesson together, Coach will come over to me and stay with me for as long as possible because SkateMate is being “difficult” (now don’t get me wrong, it tends to be in SM’s nature to be a bit of a stick-in-the-mud/come across as rude. But I always feel embarrassed if this happens with our coach). I hate it and I don’t know what to do.
For the most part, I’m trying to ignore her. SM can be really churlish sometimes – off- and on-ice – and I have difficulty dealing with her. When it happens normally, I laugh it off, don’t answer or just completely ignore it and keep up my default good mood. But when SM’s in a bad mood, ain’t no-one gonna take that cloud away. And ice-wise, it’s all the time now. I’ve stopped understanding why she bothers to put her skates on at all. It’s clear she’s not interested in putting the work in any more.
So, as I say to Coach – 95% of the time it seems best just to ignore SkateMate. I’m sure she’s looking for a rise out of me so she can be all indignant. And I don’t even like the person I am if I train with her out of lessons – I watch what she’s doing out of the corner of my eye and gripe in my head about it. “Why are you doing just your sit spin? You know your sit-spin's your best element. So why aren’t you working on your dodgy camel?” “Why have you spent half an hour on brackets when you still can’t jump a loop properly? You're always talking about how your flip jump is quite good, but you never jump and I’ve never seen you practice it!” “Your scratch spin has not improved for 6 months. You’re not holding your shoulders properly and you’re closing your legs before your arms” etc, etc. Problems arise when these gripes slip out and I start to sound rude, so, it really is best to ignore her. After all, she’s not the important one in my training. I am, as selfish as that may sound.
So, SkateMate, I've decided not to let you get to me. I know we'll continue our friendship off-ice but I’m not taking any more notice of you on-ice – it just distracts/annoys me. I won’t let it affect my skating. And if I think I need you on the ice to motivate me then I don’t want it enough. So I’ll happily make use of the extra coaching when you skip lessons, and skate with other friends outside. Sorry, SM. I hope you get your ice-love back.
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